i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
