a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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