I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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