Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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