i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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