i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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