He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
