You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
