went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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