im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i drank out of a bidet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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