oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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