My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
