It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
