She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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