Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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