It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize