my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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