Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
