quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
