Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
