She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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