What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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