nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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