So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
