why didn't you poke me back
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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