I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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