...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cannot find my penis.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
