Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
