she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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