I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
