brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
