turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
