her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
