after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
