So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
