But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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