If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
