I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
