"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
