Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
