My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
