tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
