So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
