Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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