So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
