The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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