You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
