I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
