Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm gonna have a badass scar
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
