unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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