when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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