i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize