I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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