He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize