Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
