i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
