I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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