I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
