do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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