running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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