I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The best revenge is premature balding
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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