let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
