I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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