Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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