That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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