I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
